Hatred Toward Christianity

When I first became fully convinced about the Salvation of All, I'll be honest, I was extrtemely  bitter toward Christianity and it's followers. I was angry that they caused me so much much pain and suffering. I then set out to argue with Christians and to question their beliefs. Which in itself is not wrong. However, I didn't do it solely to spread the truth. Part of me (a big part) just wanted to win an argument, I just wanted to show that I was right and they were wrong. I wanted to wage war against "Christians" who caused me to literally go insane. I was determined to prove them all wrong, and this is okay at a healthy level, it motivates you into action, however, I was consumed with hatred. That is not what Christ would want. I listened to a couple of audios from James Flanders (http://www.jamesflanders.com/3/post/2013/01/open-arms-romans-141-14.html and http://www.jamesflanders.com/3/post/2012/11/seeking-god-or-seeking-to-win-an-argument.htm). These were eye opening audios and they really made me think about my stance toward Christians. I know they mostly have good intentions, and that they are only doing God's perfect will. They don't know what they are doing. Jesus prayed for these exact people while dying on the stake. "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." If that was Christ's attitude towards the apostates, shouldn't that be ours too?

Free Will Would Suck! (My Testimony)

I know I should have started my blog with my testimony, but to be honest I am lazy some days and I just didn't really feel like typing it all out! But here it goes. I used to be really involved in my church, I was a counselor/staff member at our church camp for a couple years. I was in the AWANA program at our church, I went on outreach trips with my church group every Monday and Wednesday, and on Friday's I was involved in a church addiction program. It was a Baptist Church that I had gone to literally since my first Sunday into the world. It wasn't until I talked with somebody from the Church of Christ denomination that I really started worrying about my personal salvation. I was always taught OSAS ( once saved always saved ). When I talked to him however he mentioned striving for our salvation. This worried me because I was living in sin and knew that I should be trying harder to please God (so I thought). So then I started questioning if I was truly saved and/or if I could lose my salvation. This is what really started my anxiety. So the thought came to my mind... "What are the chances that I just happened to be born into the right denomination?" So I started looking into other denominations. They all preached "grace" with their mouths but works with their attitudes. I could never accept that works were a part of salvation so then my problem was faith. I wanted to know ,"How Much Faith Do I Need." When I asked my pastor how much faith I needed, he would just respond, "Just enough." I would then ask, "How much is enough?" No answer he eve gave me was satisfying. So then I had major panic episodes because I was convinced that I would never be able to conjure up enough faith to be saved. It scared me so much that I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for a time. When I acted well enough to get out the ward, things only got worse. I asked my grandpa (who is very religious) how I could know I was saved and if I wasn't saved, what could I do to make sure I was saved. His answer surprised me. He told me that we don't choose God, He chooses us. I used to fight tooth and nail trying to prove that we had "free will". Granted, this was because the first time that I heard that we didn't have free will it was from my grandfather and uncle who are newly reformed baptist, meaning they told me that God chose who would go to heaven and who would go to hell to burn in agony and torment for "eternity". The main reason I fought so hard for "free will" is because I felt angry and offended that someone would be so bold to tell me that our loving God, would purposefully create some of His own children just to stoke the flames of hell! I wanted "free will" to be true so that I had a say in my salvation. I was afraid that if God didn't choose me, I was going to burn "forever". I was absolutely terrified. I had a mental breakdown and a few psychotic episodes. I ended up in a psych ward again, diagnosed with Psychotic Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Breakdown. I was wanting to commit suicide but I was too afraid to because I was convinced that I wasn't chosen and therefore the moment I killed myself I would find myself in never ending torment. I was living a hell on earth but if I killed myself I would be living in another more intense version of hell. I was stuck. So I sat crying in a corner alone in the psych ward banging my head on the wall wishing for unconsciousness. I stayed this way for what seemed like hours until I was brought to my room with a bed. There were no trash bags in the trash cans to prevent suffocation. We had to wear sweat suits with no strings, shoelaces, or belts. To prevent strangulation. It was terrible... I had to fake getting better once again to get out. Once I was out I started my search again. This time I set out to disprove Calvanism, I watched many pro-Arminianist videos, but I still couldn't get over Romans Chapter 9. There was no denying that God was in control of it all. I was terrified to find out that I didn't have a say in my salvation at all! I was fully convinced that God didn't choose me and that I was going to burn in a never ending torment! Then I came across a video on YouTube... It was a video that compared Calvanism to Arminianism. However at the end of the video, there was a surprise. One that changed my life forever. At the end of the video I was introduced to a different view... The view of our apostle Paul. The idea that God is going to save everyone! I didn't believe it! I couldn't! It was too good to be true! So I decided not to think about that as even being possible. But the thought just wouldn't go away! I "stumbled" upon Martin Zender's Crack O' Dawn Reports. (I put stumbled in quotation marks because I know now that God is the cause for everything). I couldn't deny how much sense he made! The video that really changed my life was Faith in Faith vs Faith In Christ. It completely changed my perspective. Martin was the first teacher that changed my life for the better. Now I have Martin, Dan Sheridan, Clyde Pilkington, Waylan Dabbs, and James Flanders as my biggest inspirations in my journey. God put them in my life for this and I can't thank them enough for being God's vessels of honor ( As if they had a choice!) So thank God I don't have free will because if salvation was up to me... well let's be honest, I would never make it!

John 8:31-32

John 8:31-32
Young's Literal Translation (YLT)
31 Jesus, therefore, said unto the Jews who believed in him, `If ye may remain in my word, truly my disciples ye are, and ye shall know the truth,
32 and the truth shall make you free.'

Nothing I have ever come across has truly set me free like the truth of Paul's gospel and the Salvation of All. I was raised Baptist and of course we always CLAIMED that salvation was based on faith alone and no works, but none of us REALLY believed that. There were always people telling us that if we didn't produce fruit than we weren't truly saved. Regardless of us truly believing the gospel. Paul's message is pure unadulterated GRACE! Something that most of us as humans find TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! But I ask you this, is there anything TOO GOOD for OUR GOD not to be able to do? Many reject the salvation of all with this same reasoning. "It's too good to be true" they say. I am reminded of Sarah when she is told that she will bear a child. She LAUGHS, doubting that God can accomplish what He promised! Just a thought for the day: Nothing is too good to be true when it comes to OUR GOD!

Isaiah 29

Isaiah 29:10 For Yahweh has poured out on you a spirit of deep sleep, and has closed your eyes, the prophets; and he has covered your heads, the seers. 11 All vision has become to you like the words of a book that is sealed, which men deliver to one who is educated, saying, “Read this, please”; and he says, “I can’t, for it is sealed:” 12 and the book is delivered to one who is not educated, saying, “Read this, please”; and he says, “I can’t read.” 13 The Lord said, “Because this people draws near with their mouth and with their lips to honor me, but they have removed their heart far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment of men which has been taught; 14 therefore, behold, I will proceed to do a marvelous work among this people, even a marvelous work and a wonder; and the wisdom of their wise men will perish, and the understanding of their prudent men will be hidden.”

A few things that I take out of these verses is that the religious leaders and theologians mentioned here have been blinded by God himself. I believe that is the case today. I believe that the "wisdom" of theologians today will perish.

The second thing I get out of this is found in verse 13: The Lord said, “Because this people draws near with their mouth and with their lips to honor me, but they have removed their heart far from me, and THEIR FEAR OF ME IS A COMMANDMENT OF MEN WHICH HAS BEEN TAUGHT;"

Christians today preach a "turn or burn" "gospel" when the true gospel is that Christ is the Savior of the world. Yes I believe that God will judge sin and I don't believe it will be a pleasant experience. However, I also believe all the scriptures that teach the salvation of all. From what I gather of this passage, God doesn't want us to be AFRAID of Him. Yes we should have a reverent fear of Him but the fear that is being taught by these people was meant to scare people into their beliefs. Sound familiar?