If I could ask God for anything, it would be for Him to put in me the desire to fully crave Him, and long to know Him more. I get very distracted from Him all of the time and I wander off more often than any other sheep I have met! I put in a half-effort from time to time to learn more, but I want so badly to just CRAVE God as if nothing else at all mattered! Because, if we stop and think about it, nothing else does matter...
Why is it that I can't just get completely overtaken by the urge to seek God and to know him intimately? Why is it that I can never stay motivated to learn more about Him, and talk to Him more? Does prayer change things? Does that even matter? I just want to speak with my creator, forget asking for anxiety to go away, forget asking for things around me to change. I don't even want to care about that! I just want to TALK with God for the sake of TALKING, for the sake of growing closer to Him.
David worded what I am feeling, because he was feeling it too! I don't know if he was only feeling it because he was in the desert heat or if he always felt this way but he says, "O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water."
I want to feel that way all of the time! That is my prayer. That is what I want more than anything. Here is a secular song that I think really sums up how I feel about wanting to feel about God:
Maturity in the faith. Of Christ Jesus !!!!! I pressed in w/ a zeal a few yrs back....He gave me 3 proficies over 3 mos..Then he sent me a holy angel....Not a word from his mouth!!!! A sprit download....Learn his word and confront teachers with truth.....stop living for my earlthy life..... Walking into maturity cost family ,jail ,homelessness , hurt and pain / But Grace is deep now...careful what you ask for.......
ReplyDeleteThis sounds a lot like, "I should" to me. You are not the captain of your ship Chris. God will pull you in 100% when and if He chooses. Until then, understand you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Rest in that. It's OK.
ReplyDeleteWe are all where GOD wants us to be...physically and spiritually. We couldn't be anywhere else.
ReplyDelete"just a handful of clay"
Rejoice and Relax